{"id":1116,"date":"2026-07-28T11:34:39","date_gmt":"2026-07-28T11:34:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=1116"},"modified":"2026-07-28T11:34:39","modified_gmt":"2026-07-28T11:34:39","slug":"bari-weiss-is-on-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=1116","title":{"rendered":"Bari Weiss Is On It"},"content":{"rendered":"<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<blockquote>\n<div>\n<p>For a sense of Bari Weiss\u2019s approach to leading CBS News in her first weeks on the job, consider a phrase the new editor in chief has used as a rallying cry in meetings with colleagues: \u201cI wanna blow this up.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Read more <a href=\"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=1114\">The Kids Are Kind of Alright<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote>\n<div><inline-embed><\/p>\n<p>\u2014<em>The Wall Street Journal<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><\/inline-embed><\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n<div><\/div>\n<blockquote>\n<div>\n<p>New things are always better than old things.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n<blockquote>\n<div><inline-embed><\/p>\n<p>\u2014<em>Andy Warhol<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><\/inline-embed><\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><strong>The Hoover Dam<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The Hoover Dam was the tallest dam in the world when it was completed, but that was in 1936. What has it done for us lately, except impound Lake Mead and provide power for public and private utilities in Nevada, Arizona, and California? We\u2019ve asked Bari Weiss to get under the hood, and we\u2019re pretty excited about whatever she comes up with after she blows it up. Our first goal, as with \u201c60 Minutes,\u201d is balance. Lake Mead has been on the north side of the Hoover Dam for too long. When we\u2019re finished, it will be on the south side, too.<\/p>\n<p><strong>The Jungle Cruise<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Who doesn\u2019t love the Jungle Cruise? It\u2019s like \u201cHeart of Darkness\u201d with dad jokes. Not too fast for Meemaw, not too scary for children under seven, when accompanied by an adult. It has elephants, hippos, lions, tigers\u2014and you don\u2019t even have to feel bad about it, like at the zoo, because they\u2019re robots. Best ride at Disneyland, period. But we asked ourselves: What if <em>not<\/em> that? So we\u2019re turning off the animals and the water, and replacing the puns with jokes about how the powerful do whatever they want.<\/p>\n<p><strong>The Toyota Corolla<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The Corolla is the global standard for reliability and affordability and the best-selling car in the world\u2014a masterpiece of redundant strengths in materials and design, like a jean jacket with flat-folding rear seats. It can\u2019t be stopped, only passed along to someone else, like a nebulous disease metaphor in an edgy horror movie. Why did we ask Bari Weiss to wreck it? Because it was there. And we heard her say \u201cmeritocracy\u201d on a podcast.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dawn Dishwashing Liquid<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Best soap in the world\u2014cleans dishes and windows, pretreats laundry, and unclogs toilets. It can wash your hair, your dog, and the driveway. A few drops stop your sunglasses from fogging up. It keeps ants off countertops and aphids off plants, and breaks down the rash-causing resin in poison ivy. It can wash a duck, or a pan after you\u2019ve roasted a duck. Anyway, from now on, it\u2019s tap water. Or crocodile tears and Sanka. Maybe it\u2019s Mountain Dew Baja Blast. Who knows?<\/p>\n<p>Read more <a href=\"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=1112\">Trump\u2019s Isolationism Is Losing the Great E.V. Race<\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>Keds<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Once she gets done with CNN, we\u2019re putting Bari Weiss in charge of Keds. Don\u2019t get us wrong\u2014we love Keds. It\u2019s not so much a question of \u201cHow can we make this better?\u201d as it is \u201cHow can we make this immeasurably worse?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Popcorn<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The smell of popcorn will be replaced with the smell of burnt popcorn.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u201cCasablanca\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>You know the scene where the Nazis are singing and the French people drown them out by singing \u201cLa Marseillaise\u201d? We\u2019re tweaking that. The Nazis still sing \u201cDie Wacht am Rhein,\u201d but the French sing the Kars4Kids jingle.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Alcoholics Anonymous<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We don\u2019t even know how we ended up owning A.A., but we do. We\u2019re guessing it was a tax thing? Anyway, we told everyone in management over there to shoot us an e-mail justifying their jobs and no one wrote back. Turns out, they don\u2019t even have a leader. So we asked ourselves: If this thing works miracles as a fellowship of equals supporting one another on a path to sobriety, imagine what it could do with highly centralized top-down leadership, somewhere between a death cult and A.I.G. So we got them a C.E.O. He\u2019s a guy Bari Weiss knows from around. You\u2019ll like him. He\u2019s nice. Except when he drinks.\u00a0\u2666<\/p>\n<p>Read more <a href=\"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=1110\">A Woman Lost Two Partners to Guns\u2014Then the N.R.A. Came to Collect<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Chris Kelly humorously imagines Bari Weiss, the editor-in-chief of CBS News, revamping the Hoover Dam, the Toyota Corolla, and more.  <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1115,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1116","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-interesting"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Bari Weiss Is On It - City Relocation News<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=1116\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Bari Weiss Is On It - 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