{"id":1129,"date":"2026-07-29T11:37:25","date_gmt":"2026-07-29T11:37:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=1129"},"modified":"2026-07-29T11:37:25","modified_gmt":"2026-07-29T11:37:25","slug":"dear-pepper-how-to-have-some-of-it-all","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=1129","title":{"rendered":"Dear Pepper: How to Have Some of It All?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Dear Pepper is an advice-column comic by Liana Finck. If you have questions for Pepper about how to act in difficult situations, please direct them to dearpepperquestions@gmail.com. Questions may be edited for brevity and clarity.<\/em><\/p>\n

Read more Fairfield Porter\u2019s Lush, Lonely Vision of the World<\/a><\/p>\n

Dear Pepper,<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

I am seven months postpartum and have driven myself and my husband into a state of insanity over choosing between potential life paths.<\/p>\n

For years, I was our breadwinner, with a successful, if sometimes slightly lame, career, while he pursued an academic job. Before the baby was born, I left the corporate world when he got an excellent job in a small town, and I started consulting. I was not particularly happy with the state of things\u2014the work was isolating and unfulfilling, and we both missed the big city. Now that the baby is here, I am shockingly not<\/em> transformed into a new person who can be a perfect domestic goddess 24\/7. We are faced with the choice of: move back to the city, where I\u2019d go back to work and my husband would stay home (but what if I regret missing these years with my kid to make stupid corporate slide shows?); or I white-knuckle it through staying home (but what if I end up depressed and depleted and leave my kid with sad and confused memories, as happened in my childhood?); or we both work and give up on our dream of providing our child with a full-time parent. Every pro-con list ends up tied. I am wringing this decision in my hands and it\u2019s driving me crazy. Help!!!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Flailing and Flopping<\/p>\n

Dear Flailing and Flopping,<\/p>\n

[Stretches, flaps ears<\/em>.]<\/p>\n

Hi and congratulations!<\/p>\n

I\u2019m as fucked up as anyone when it comes to this whole puppy-raising business, so keep that in mind. But I\ufe0f have one clear, biased thought: I think you should go back to work. My bias has to do with pushing back against a society that tells new moms that they should stay home if they can.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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The other bias I\ufe0f have is that I think it\u2019s fine for a kid to not have a full-time parent at home, if one can afford child care (a huge if).<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve got a lot of other caveats, too. Which I\u2019ll address in the form of questions. Here goes:<\/p>\n

Are there corporate jobs available to you with schedules closer to nine-to-five than to 24\/7?<\/p>\n

I\ufe0f know that moving is no fun\u2014and neither are compromises. But\u00a0.\u00a0.\u00a0. how far is the small town you moved to from the city? Is it possible to relocate somewhere in between the town and the city, so that you and your husband could both commute?<\/p>\n

How much of a non-job is consulting? Could going back to work involve renting an office nearby and dedicating work hours to that, at least for now?<\/p>\n

Read more The Department of Labored Content<\/a><\/p>\n

If you moved back to the city, would that be the end of your husband\u2019s career, which it sounds like he enjoys, and is just settling into? Or could he find another interesting job, now, or in a year or two, when your child is older?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Is there a way you and your husband could both work, and stagger your workdays? Someone does mornings with the baby, someone does evenings?<\/p>\n

As someone who\u2019s been spending more hours parenting than I\ufe0f ever thought I\ufe0f would or wanted to (blame: husband\u2019s job, cursed sense of responsibility, \u201cflexible\u201d career), I mourn the professional velocity I\ufe0f\u2019ve lost, along with a community of friends.<\/p>\n

But though I feel I\u2019ve given up some of the brain cells that used to be dedicated to, and stimulated by, my work and my friends, I\u2019ve also<\/em> come to appreciate all the time spent with my kids\u2014for their sake and for mine. Over my past four and a half years of parenthood I\u2019ve shifted slowly into a more condensed work schedule and more kid time, and I\ufe0f regret not trying to spend more of the day with my older kid when he was a toddler. (But, to be fair, this year we have a nanny, so I\ufe0f can afford to be more sentimental.)<\/p>\n

All this is to say: I\ufe0f do think you\u2019re wise to value spending serious time with your kid\u2014and it\u2019s striking to me that you know how important this is, amid the upheaval a first baby brings. But all day every day for the foreseeable future sounds, in your case, as it would be in mine, worryingly sacrificial. Nice for your child at first, perhaps, but not nice for you, to lose such a significant part of yourself. So, in the long run, not nice for anyone. You mention, I\ufe0f think, being left with traces of sadness from your own mom\u2019s choices. Or should I say \u201cchoices\u201d? And I\ufe0f can relate. Sacrifices do have to be made when a big, wonderful baby enters your life. Only, I\ufe0f think, not sweepingly definitive ones.<\/p>\n

Mostly, I\ufe0f hear the agony in your e-mail. It sounds to me like a clear desire for a life outside of family trying to free itself from layers of expectation\u2014yours and others\u2019 and society\u2019s\u2014with a confetti sprinkling on top of dissatisfaction with the corporate world.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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I\ufe0f could be wrong about much of this. I\ufe0f often am. My brain is mush. I\ufe0f do, however, relate very much to your quandary.<\/p>\n

Read more Johnny Knoxville, America\u2019s God of Mischief<\/a><\/p>\n

With love,
Pepper<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Liana Finck writes a humorous advice column about the choices a couple faces after having their first born. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1128,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1129","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-interesting"],"yoast_head":"\nDear Pepper: How to Have Some of It All? - City Relocation News<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=1129\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Dear Pepper: How to Have Some of It All? - City Relocation News\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Liana Finck writes a humorous advice column about the choices a couple faces after having their first born.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=1129\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"City Relocation News\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-07-29T11:37:25+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=1129#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=1129\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/3e7ce0c0c60d21e12a5ac61fb2b786d4\"},\"headline\":\"Dear Pepper: How to Have Some of It All?\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-07-29T11:37:25+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=1129\"},\"wordCount\":939,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=1129#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/07\\\/219c8ed257f2862f5b37c915516d9149.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Interesting\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=1129#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=1129\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=1129\",\"name\":\"Dear Pepper: How to Have Some of It All? 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