{"id":1213,"date":"2026-08-04T10:36:01","date_gmt":"2026-08-04T10:36:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=1213"},"modified":"2026-08-04T10:36:01","modified_gmt":"2026-08-04T10:36:01","slug":"what-my-life-would-be-like-if-all-of-those-spam-texts-were-legit","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=1213","title":{"rendered":"What My Life Would Be Like If All of Those Spam Texts Were Legit"},"content":{"rendered":"
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I\u2019d make three thousand dollars an hour working a remote job whose only requirements are disclosing my Social Security number, access to my Ring camera, and a somewhat stable internet connection.<\/p>\n

Read more Subaru Socialists and the Great Disappointed<\/a><\/p>\n

I\u2019d rescue dozens of my own children, who are being held hostage, by paying their ransom exclusively with iTunes gift cards.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d have a private meeting in a highly secure location with Sam Bankman-Fried to discuss exciting investment opportunities.<\/p>\n

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I\u2019d have quality health insurance.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d have dozens of packages shipped to me from USPSS, USP, and FidEx that only require my signature to obtain.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d have the world\u2019s safest streaming services because I would constantly click on links to change my passwords.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d be making a hundred-and-seventy-three-per-cent return on all of my investments while also not having to pay taxes on them because the returns are above the taxation threshold!<\/p>\n

I\u2019d have a coveted seat on the board of Theranos 2.0.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d be a digital minimalist because all of my photos and videos would be deleted on a daily basis.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d have the coldest beverages, thanks to my highly efficient and effective Yeeti products.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d be the recipient of a highly coveted grant from the prestigious foundation PUT FOUNDATION NAME HERE.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d win the lottery, regularly.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d be the C.E.O. of a Fortune 500 company that requires no prior experience.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d be a guest at Dorothy\u2019s thirty-fifth birthday party.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d spend all of my vacations on free Caribbean cruises\u2014that is, when I wasn\u2019t at one of my various time-shares.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d have cable, which would evidently be constantly at risk of being disconnected.<\/p>\n

Read more What Do India\u2019s Gen Z Protests Mean for Modi?<\/a><\/p>\n

I\u2019d be literal royalty and have the deed to my family\u2019s long-forgotten castle.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d own four miniature schnauzers.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d have such secure bank accounts because I would verify that they are safe multiple times a day.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d have hundreds of years of car-insurance coverage on my nonexistent vehicle.<\/p>\n

I, along with my children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, would enjoy complimentary deliveries of HelloFrish on a weekly basis.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d be an esteemed purveyor of leggings and supplements who gets to spend all of my time with my existing friends, while, at the same time, making many more!<\/p>\n

I\u2019d have the opportunity to audition to be an extra on \u201cLaw and Order,\u201d if I show up to an abandoned warehouse at 3 A.M.<\/em> without my phone (so that the story line doesn\u2019t get leaked, of course).<\/p>\n

I\u2019d win a niche contest for a free item that only requires two hundred and fifty dollars in shipping, handling, and assorted fees.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d save the Red Lobster in Times Square by purchasing Google Play gift cards.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d have access to a supersecret subway line directly below my apartment as a bonus for sending my rent via Cash App as opposed to my building\u2019s payment portal.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d have a pass to cut the line at the soft-serve or frozen-yogurt establishment of my choice.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d be an honorary co-chair of the brand-new January Met Gala.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d be a fractional owner of the W.N.B.A.\u2019s New York Liberty.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d refinance everything in my life, including all of my refinancing.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d spend a considerable amount of money paying pesky highway tolls in Minisoda and Connect4icut.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d be a guest at the Swift-Kelce wedding, the real<\/em> one, that\u2019s happening next week.\u00a0\u2666<\/p>\n

Read more Freelance Headlines Stupid Onion Editor Rejected<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Natalie Wexler takes a humorous look at spam scams.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1212,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1213","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-interesting"],"yoast_head":"\nWhat My Life Would Be Like If All of Those Spam Texts Were Legit - City Relocation News<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=1213\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"What My Life Would Be Like If All of Those Spam Texts Were Legit - City Relocation News\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Natalie Wexler takes a humorous look at spam scams.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=1213\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"City Relocation News\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-08-04T10:36:01+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=1213#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=1213\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/3e7ce0c0c60d21e12a5ac61fb2b786d4\"},\"headline\":\"What My Life Would Be Like If All of Those Spam Texts Were Legit\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-08-04T10:36:01+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=1213\"},\"wordCount\":628,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=1213#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/08\\\/f2ff558512e05ab9d55ce0ff15d24593.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Interesting\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=1213#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=1213\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=1213\",\"name\":\"What My Life Would Be Like If All of Those Spam Texts Were Legit - 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