{"id":1269,"date":"2026-08-09T16:07:24","date_gmt":"2026-08-09T16:07:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=1269"},"modified":"2026-08-09T16:07:24","modified_gmt":"2026-08-09T16:07:24","slug":"we-are-pivoting-to-radical-empathy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=1269","title":{"rendered":"We Are Pivoting to Radical Empathy"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Good morning, staff. Thank you for attending this all-hands meeting, or, as I prefer to think of it, all-hearts<\/em> meeting. As you know, I am returning to the office after taking some legally mandated time away to listen to your recent complaints about me and learn from them.<\/p>\n

Read more How Caro Claire Burke Wrote the Biggest Book of the Year<\/a><\/p>\n

After summering contritely in Europe, I spent the past week at the Burning Man festival, consuming a daunting volume of psilocybin mushrooms in an attempt to expand my consciousness. I return to you a changed man. I have achieved an inner tranquility I had never even dreamed of before. For example, I\u2019ve seen the deep inequities in our patriarchal system of marriage and have decided to live a life of ethical non-monogamy, a decision that I will share with my wife, Lisa, at home later tonight. Most important, I now understand the flaws of our capitalist society, and I\u2019m ready to start making changes.<\/p>\n

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From this point onward, as a company, we are pivoting to radical empathy.<\/p>\n

There are going to be some changes around the office. You may have already noticed that we removed the vending machines from the common areas. They will soon be replaced by cabinets full of complimentary plant-based snacks. It\u2019s part of a holistic package of employee wellness that we are implementing, which will also include the installation of a meditation garden on the roof, and the introduction of an optional but highly encouraged company-wide 6 A.M.<\/em> yoga class. All this is intended to nurture spiritual, mental, and physical well-being in a way that Western medicine traditionally fails to do. As a result, we will no longer be subsidizing employees\u2019 health-insurance policies. The for-profit health-care industry is a moral outrage, and, as the C.E.O., I can no longer compel my employees to take part in it.<\/p>\n

Additionally, while howling at the moon last Thursday in an orgiastic frenzy, I was struck with an epiphany. Many of you have been lobbying for increased paid time off after the birth of a child. And today I am announcing our new policy of unlimited<\/em> P.T.O.\u2014paid time on! They say that it takes a village to raise a child. And what is a sleek, state-of-the-art, two-hundred-fifty-million-dollar corporate campus if not a modern-day village? No more stewing at home after a baby is born, fretting about your lost sense of identity and purpose. Instead, you\u2019ll come to work, keeping up your vital contributions to our shared mission, while your colleagues assist you with child care during their breaks and other unscheduled downtime. I\u2019ve always said that this company is like a family, and I\u2019m excited for this opportunity for you all to fully embody that ideal. I, of course, will continue to employ a nanny to care for my children, Ayn and Reagan, on account of my busy schedule and frequent divorces.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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But that\u2019s not all! As last week\u2019s psychedelic journey reached its apex, I closed my eyes and saw myself from outside my body, flying at light speed through space, weaving between brilliant, twinkling stars. And I realized that we are, cosmically, tiny specks that exist for a brief and tenuous moment before disappearing forever. After we\u2019re gone, it\u2019s like we were never here at all, and to think otherwise is a folly of human ego. And that is what I plan to tell the Environmental Protection Agency next week when I am called to testify before them. How could I, who barely exists, be guilty of dumping hundreds of tons of nonbiodegradable materials on protected conservation land? I am but a flickering shadow cast by the luminous candle of history. Could the United States government fine a shadow $1.6 billion for environmental crimes? It sounds a little ridiculous when you put it like that, now doesn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n

Read more A Short Song for a Long and Precious Season<\/a><\/p>\n

Before I conclude, I want to share my single biggest takeaway from the my seven-day mushroom trip: there is no you<\/em> or I<\/em>, only we<\/em> and us<\/em>, inextricably bound together. And that is what makes it so hard for me to announce that we will be implementing ten-per-cent layoffs, effective immediately. Since we are ultimately one single cosmic entity, it\u2019s like we\u2019re all<\/em> being laid off. On the other hand, as many of us will still be here, and we are all essentially intermingling clouds of stardust, it\u2019s like none<\/em> of us<\/em> is leaving.<\/p>\n

Some may accuse me of caring only about creating value for our shareholders. To that, I say: what values are more important than sharing<\/em> with and holding<\/em> space for one another? If I can\u2019t run our company according to those principles, I don\u2019t want to run it at all. And, believe me, I will not<\/em> be relinquishing my stewardship, no matter what a plurality of our board of directors says.<\/p>\n

Thank you for listening to this outline of the future of this company, which I think will eventually become a blueprint for society at large. If you have questions about any of this, I will unfortunately be spending the rest of the day in a sensory-deprivation tank, recovering from my strenuous mental voyage. But though my door is closed, my heart remains open. And I\u2019ll see you tomorrow morning at yoga. Except for the people who are being laid off.<\/p>\n

So, family, until next we meet, I want you to go out there and do what we do every day\u2014manufacture those little rubber things that stop people\u2019s headphones from falling out of their ears.\u00a0\u2666<\/p>\n

Read more Did the Dodgers Ruin Baseball?<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Josh Gondelman satirically writes a staff note from a C.E.O. which purports to embody radical empathy but is instead unfeelingly capitalist. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1268,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1269","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-interesting"],"yoast_head":"\nWe Are Pivoting to Radical Empathy - City Relocation News<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=1269\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"We Are Pivoting to Radical Empathy - City Relocation News\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Josh Gondelman satirically writes a staff note from a C.E.O. which purports to embody radical empathy but is instead unfeelingly capitalist.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=1269\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"City Relocation News\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-08-09T16:07:24+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=1269#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=1269\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/3e7ce0c0c60d21e12a5ac61fb2b786d4\"},\"headline\":\"We Are Pivoting to Radical Empathy\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-08-09T16:07:24+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=1269\"},\"wordCount\":965,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=1269#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/08\\\/79dfa37491e6317c00d22eb09f065b22.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Interesting\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=1269#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=1269\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=1269\",\"name\":\"We Are Pivoting to Radical Empathy - 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