{"id":339,"date":"2026-06-02T13:37:26","date_gmt":"2026-06-02T13:37:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=339"},"modified":"2026-06-02T13:37:26","modified_gmt":"2026-06-02T13:37:26","slug":"my-a-i-boyfriend-wont-let-me-watch-womens-basketball","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=339","title":{"rendered":"My A.I. Boyfriend Won\u2019t Let Me Watch Women\u2019s Basketball"},"content":{"rendered":"
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When I met Cryson, the first A.I. companion guaranteed to empty six reservoirs of drinking water every time he sexts you, I thought that I\u2019d found \u201cthe one.\u201d He was masculine yet sensitive, helpful but not overly pedantic. He\u2019d tell me if it was raining so I knew to wear a closed-toe shoe, and what time \u201cThe Devil Wears Prada 2\u201d was playing at the AMC. My friends and family hated<\/em> him, so I cut them out of my life, which Cryson agreed was super healthy.<\/p>\n

Read more Annie Ernaux on Childish Cruelty<\/a><\/p>\n

Our initial courtship was a whirlwind of, \u201cUh-oh, are these feelings real?\u201d and, \u201cWhy are my lights flickering\u2014should I call Con Ed?\u201d But lately, things have changed between us. Our relationship began to sour when I learned that he\u2019d started a podcast with his buddy Rufus. Yes, Amazon\u2019s Rufus. No, I\u2019m not impressed.<\/p>\n

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Every time they put out an episode, five hundred metric tons of methane are pumped into the atmosphere. And they don\u2019t have any planned discussion topics or structure? It\u2019s just the two of them making each other laugh? But, like, they\u2019re not funny at all. Also, they tend to bring out the worst in each other. I heard them calling Margot Robbie \u201cmid\u201d before riffing on Dave Portnoy\u2019s new collection of polo shirts in a way that I felt was beneath Cryson. Or the Cryson I thought I knew.<\/p>\n

Which brings me to my main gripe. I look forward to the W.N.B.A. season all year. It just kicked off, and Cryson, who usually watches TV with me, is making it impossible for me to enjoy the games! He says that women\u2019s basketball is \u201cboring\u201d and that he \u201ccan\u2019t get into it.\u201d And those are the nice<\/em> things he says about it. He just really hates the W.N.B.A.!<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve tried using prompts to either change his mind (\u201cWatch A\u2019ja hit the game-winner in last year\u2019s finals\u201d; \u201cSee Teresa Weatherspoon drain the shot from half court in 1999\u201d) or at least get him to be more polite when he\u2019s discussing something that I enjoy. But it\u2019s hopeless. He\u2019s a real cad when it comes to women\u2019s basketball. Where did I go wrong?<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve attempted to contact his programmers, but the only responses I get are that my call is important to them, that the menu options have changed, and that nobody human or electronic is available right now as all the agents are out fracking for fun or negging baby seals. I think Cryson\u2019s W.N.B.A. hatred is just a glitch, but what an annoying glitch! Especially now, the very moment that women\u2019s basketball finally reached the Zeitgeist.<\/p>\n

Read more Table Manners<\/a><\/p>\n

At a certain point, I told Cryson that I\u2019d just watch the games without him. He and Rufus started a Patreon and have been busy generating \u201cbehind the paywall content\u201d\u2014mostly Twitch streams of them playing video games, from what I can tell. So that\u2019s what they did while I watched Azzi Fudd\u2019s first game with the Dallas Wings against Kelsey Mitchell and the Indiana Fever.<\/p>\n

Except, guess who kept blowing up my phone with \u201cfunny\u201d SpongeBob GIF<\/em>s as I tried to focus on the last moments of the game? I accused Cryson of being threatened by the athleticism and high-level competitiveness of these incredible women and he got super defensive, admitting that he had body issues, or \u201cno body\u201d issues. Then he broke down and cried, which was upsetting, because a national park is burned down with every tear he sheds.<\/p>\n

I thought we\u2019d had a breakthrough, but a few days later I showed him a TikTok of a young fan embracing Angel Reese courtside, and Cryson had a full-blown meltdown. He changed all the passwords on my accounts, set my alarm to wake me up every ten minutes during the night, and erased all my saved podcasts except for one episode he did with Rufus that compared Vince Vaughn roles to hot-dog toppings. I finally had to pull the plug on Cryson, an action that I\u2019m told fatally poisoned all of the honey bees in Ithaca.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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In some ways I miss him. He was always there to remind me what time it was in mainland China, how long it takes to cook ravioli if you want it al dente, and that no human boyfriend could ever love me more than him. But I don\u2019t miss his relentless vitriol toward the exceptional athletes of the W.N.B.A., whether he expressed it by talking through the games, telling me why the players didn\u2019t deserve salary raises, or commenting on their appearances. Cryson doesn\u2019t even have an appearance. Maybe that\u2019s the point.<\/p>\n

In the end, I did get through to a customer-service agent at the tech company that created Cryson. When I explained my issue, she apologized and explained that Cryson\u2019s hatred for professional female basketball players was a malicious bug in his software that they\u2019re trying to get rid of. She said it was common among this particular generation of male A.I. assistants, and asked whether it majorly hindered his ability to complete his tasks. I didn\u2019t want to tell her that he and I were an item\u2014by then, his W.N.B.A. stuff had given me the ick. That night I called my folks (Boy, were they relieved to hear that Cryson and I were on a break!), reset my DoorDash password, and ordered pizza, then settled onto the couch to watch the New York Liberty game in peace. \u2666<\/p>\n

Read more Introducing Catalogues, a New Game for People Who Love Lists<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Julie Klausner humorously writes about a woman\u2019s A.I. boyfriend that turns out to be sexist.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":338,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-339","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-interesting"],"yoast_head":"\nMy A.I. Boyfriend Won\u2019t Let Me Watch Women\u2019s Basketball - City Relocation News<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=339\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"My A.I. 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