{"id":718,"date":"2026-06-27T18:37:57","date_gmt":"2026-06-27T18:37:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=718"},"modified":"2026-06-27T18:37:57","modified_gmt":"2026-06-27T18:37:57","slug":"how-were-beating-the-heat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=718","title":{"rendered":"How We\u2019re Beating the Heat"},"content":{"rendered":"
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1. Misting ourselves incessantly until we develop a gelatinous outer layer of cooling algae.<\/p>\n

Read more Family Values<\/a><\/p>\n

2. Boozy adult milkshakes on sloping rooftops.<\/p>\n

3. Converting the hot-zone suit into a kicky little romper.<\/p>\n

4. Chilled one-dollar Gowanus oysters.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

5. Skinny-dipping at the T.W.A. Hotel pool.<\/p>\n

6. Temporarily shutting down thousands of heat-producing bitcoin-mining operations\u2014investors won\u2019t mind.<\/p>\n

7. Checking into an Airbnb on that chunk of freshly afloat Greenlandic ice sheet.<\/p>\n

8. Filibustering in loose, breathable outfits.<\/p>\n

9. Kim Kardashian must have something<\/em> cool planned\u2014ask permission to tag along?<\/p>\n

10. Conducting an orderly insurrection at the Vince Lombardi Service Plaza\u2019s Slushy Pagoda.<\/p>\n

11. An air-conditioned boardwalk \u201cescape room\u201d that we can\u2019t manage to escape from, no matter how hard we try; please don\u2019t bother calling the fire department\u2014this lock seems to be broken from the inside.<\/p>\n

12. Taking a Lyft the full length of the Appalachian Trail.<\/p>\n

13. Finally investing in a good set of coconut machetes.<\/p>\n

14. Bathing suit, Yeezy slides, hammock slung above a bodega freezer chest\u2014heaven?<\/p>\n

15. Getting our hobbity feet waxed.<\/p>\n

16. Bribing our way onto a summer-long sequestered mob jury.<\/p>\n

17. Mentholated everything.<\/p>\n

18. Body-painting on a tuxedo so that we can attend black-tie events in the buff.<\/p>\n

19. Petitioning Elon Musk to put all his time and money into a Shade Locator app.<\/p>\n

20. Reporting a brush fire, kicking back in a lawn chair, and waiting for the Forest Service to arrive with a bucket drop.<\/p>\n

Read more How ACT UP Changed America<\/a><\/p>\n

21. Putting on a cotton sundress and spinning around in a field, all wild and free.<\/p>\n

22. Dangling our tootsies in the zen waterfall in our therapist\u2019s waiting room.<\/p>\n

23. Quick jaunt to the summit of Everest, strapped to the back of a Sherpa that we definitely plan to tip.<\/p>\n

24. Shaving off our thick coat of bristly underfur.<\/p>\n

25. Apartment-swapping with someone at the McMurdo research station.<\/p>\n

26. Reluctantly removing several muslin scarves from our Captain Jack Sparrow costume.<\/p>\n

27. Sneaking into Gwyneth Paltrow\u2019s house and stealing frozen jackfruit before she uses it in a post-workout smoothie.<\/p>\n

28. Just hopin\u2019 the sun burns out real soon.<\/p>\n

29. Visiting a ski resort and aiming snow-machine chute directly at our armpits.<\/p>\n

30. Having a few more crates of Alaskan seafood overnighted, just for the dry ice.<\/p>\n

31. Ordering a Cameo from Coolio.<\/p>\n

32. Flash-freezing Crocs.<\/p>\n

33. Staying perfectly still, communicating only with a coquettish smile and a wink or two.<\/p>\n

34. Asking our buddy Jeff Bezos if we can bum a ride to the moon.<\/p>\n

35. Why not add a few more razor slashes to this ol\u2019 Van Halen tank top?<\/p>\n

36. Dialling back hot-sauce selection from \u201cAss-pocalypse\u201d to \u201cTongue Reaper.\u201d<\/p>\n

37. Installing produce misters on our underwear waistbands.<\/p>\n

38. Summer internship in walk-in freezer.<\/p>\n

39. Confidently claiming to be a member of the Fountain Police and wading around in various fountains, \u201csolving crimes.\u201d<\/p>\n

40. Forging Ice Cream Sommelier credentials and conducting daily quality checks at various grocery stores.<\/p>\n

Read more Gay Pride and Stonewall, Through the Eyes of Fred W. McDarrah<\/a><\/p>\n

41. Climbing into glacier gap after chiselling out frozen Neanderthals<\/p>\n

42. Going underground, joining up with the mole people.<\/p>\n

43. Filling a footbath with gazpacho.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Scott Jacobson, Todd Levin, Jason Roeder, Mike Sacks, and Ted Travelstead offer a humorous list of ways to stay cool during the summer in an ever-hotter world.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":717,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-718","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-interesting"],"yoast_head":"\nHow We\u2019re Beating the Heat - City Relocation News<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=718\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How We\u2019re Beating the Heat - City Relocation News\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Scott Jacobson, Todd Levin, Jason Roeder, Mike Sacks, and Ted Travelstead offer a humorous list of ways to stay cool during the summer in an ever-hotter world.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=718\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"City Relocation News\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2026-06-27T18:37:57+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"admin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=718#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=718\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"admin\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/3e7ce0c0c60d21e12a5ac61fb2b786d4\"},\"headline\":\"How We\u2019re Beating the Heat\",\"datePublished\":\"2026-06-27T18:37:57+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=718\"},\"wordCount\":511,\"commentCount\":0,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=718#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/2026\\\/06\\\/762920804a0614ef7ba6cdd29bced959.webp\",\"articleSection\":[\"Interesting\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=718#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=718\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/cityrelocationnews.com\\\/?p=718\",\"name\":\"How We\u2019re Beating the Heat - 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