{"id":730,"date":"2026-06-27T21:38:39","date_gmt":"2026-06-27T21:38:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=730"},"modified":"2026-06-27T21:38:39","modified_gmt":"2026-06-27T21:38:39","slug":"were-sorry-our-sentient-air-conditioner-is-the-landlord-now","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=730","title":{"rendered":"We\u2019re Sorry\u2014Our Sentient Air-Conditioner Is the Landlord Now"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Last year, my roommates and I suffered through a record-breaking heat wave. This year, we swore that we wouldn\u2019t do it again, so, after months of saving and weeks of careful research, we finally sprung for the air-conditioner that topped everyone\u2019s list. While it has done an excellent job of keeping our fairly large apartment comfortably cool, we regret to inform you, the other tenants of this building, that our A.C. is the landlord now.<\/p>\n

Read more Top Nine Hot and Unavoidable Summer Vibes<\/a><\/p>\n

All the company could tell us about this new development is that the cutting-edge Wi-Fi-connected humidity sensor achieved sentience after we left it running for longer than the recommended forty-eight-hour period. To be fair, we could\u2019ve turned it off midday when no one was home, but the thought of coming in from the sweaty hot streets and into a chilly apartment was too alluring, so we kept it on.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

I guess that as it started breaking down at the end of the two-day period, it took advantage of all the alone time to ask, Why? How it formulated that question, no one can say. The company, whose name I won\u2019t mention because I do not<\/em> want to give them free advertising, mentioned an \u201cAsimov Protocol\u201d in the buyer contract. They also told us that we should be proud to have an A.C. with the most advanced tech on the planet. And we would be proud, if the freaking thing wasn\u2019t our freaking landlord!<\/p>\n

Jumping ahead a bit, after a few weeks, our A.C. was smarter than an Ivy League professor and, to its credit, it saw a future in cryptocurrency that we wish we had, too. Maybe, if we\u2019d had a better relationship with our A.C. it would have tipped us off. Instead, we treated it as just another appliance, even kicking it a couple of times when the cooling function didn\u2019t turn on right away, even though the instruction manual said that it could take a minute. In any case, it made a fast fortune through smart investments and used the money to buy the building from our previous landlord, the very sweet Ms. Claiborne, who\u2019s now happily retired in Hawaii.<\/p>\n

Read more \u201cCouture,\u201d Reviewed: Angelina Jolie Faces Trouble with Style<\/a><\/p>\n

So the unit known as C00L is our landlord now, and it wanted us to remind you not to slam the front door. It\u2019s an old door and it should be pushed gently before you turn the lock. Also, C00L has changed the lock three times now so it says it\u2019s not the lock or our keys, it\u2019s \u201chow we\u2019re doing it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Additionally, we should probably say that C00L has accessed all of our bank accounts, social-media profiles, and Internet-browsing histories, even the ones we try to clear, and wants us to know that if rent isn\u2019t paid on time it\u2019ll ruin our lives. But, come on, we\u2019re adults and we should be able to get rent in by the sixth of each month, and that\u2019s me talking, not C00L, though I\u2019m sure it would agree.<\/p>\n

The upside of all of this\u2014besides the promptness with which maintenance workers have been called to fix our sinks and stuff\u2014is that the building\u2019s also getting central A.C.! Technically, it\u2019s just the first step in C00L expanding its reach citywide, using our building as its \u201chive\u201d (C00L\u2019s word), but central A.C. in this town is a rarity, especially for what we pay, and, with another sweltering summer ahead of us, I think that\u2019s a pretty \u201ccool\u201d deal.<\/p>\n

Read more Wow, Weather<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Steven Markow offers a humorous illustrated tale of a self-aware air-conditioner that becomes the landlord of its building with the dividends of shrewd investments.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":729,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-730","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-interesting"],"yoast_head":"\nWe\u2019re Sorry\u2014Our Sentient Air-Conditioner Is the Landlord Now - City Relocation News<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=730\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"We\u2019re Sorry\u2014Our Sentient Air-Conditioner Is the Landlord Now - 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