{"id":764,"date":"2026-06-29T16:36:07","date_gmt":"2026-06-29T16:36:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=764"},"modified":"2026-06-29T16:36:07","modified_gmt":"2026-06-29T16:36:07","slug":"my-great-meeting-with-god","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=764","title":{"rendered":"My Great Meeting with God"},"content":{"rendered":"
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He called me. I want to be clear about that. I didn\u2019t call Him. He invited me up personally. Very selective crowd. Very hard ticket. I\u2019ve met with many world leaders\u2014Putin, Kim Jong Un, Jared\u2014and I would say God\u2019s in that tier. In terms of money, probably higher than most of them. We had a great table. God has tremendous clout.<\/p>\n

Read more The Natural Memory of Kabir Sehgal<\/a><\/p>\n

Incredible gates. Strong. A lot of harp people hovering. Maybe too many, if we\u2019re being honest. And the little fat bellhops\u2014cherubs, they call them\u2014wings too small for the body. Slow with luggage. I didn\u2019t tip. The show! Better than Vegas. Volcanoes lighting up the sky, or whatever you call it. World-class earthquakes. I said, \u201cGod, I\u2019m ashamed to admit it, but the earthquakes we have on Earth don\u2019t compare.\u201d<\/p>\n

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He was very complimentary. He said, \u201cThey call them Acts of God, but, after what you\u2019ve accomplished, maybe we should start calling them Acts of President.\u201d Which was nice. Somebody asked me before I came out here, \u201cWas He taller than you expected?\u201d I said, \u201cAbout what I expected.\u201d<\/p>\n

Then God let me smite a guy trying to parallel park. Which was a very small part of the meeting, by the way. People are asking why we didn\u2019t discuss the suffering of innocent children. It came up. I know children. His son was bullied. Good for ratings, by the way. Then we discussed important issues. Very positive discussions about clouds. I want clouds over Washington, but not the poor neighborhoods. Strong clouds. Not wispy. Some of His clouds\u2014and I don\u2019t want this to get beyond this room and Truth Social\u2014were too fluffy. \u201cAnother thing, God,\u201d I said. \u201cYou got tremendous demand up here, but everybody\u2019s dead. Why not go members only?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFrankly, God,\u201d I said, \u201ccan I be frank?\u201d I didn\u2019t say \u201cregime change,\u201d but He knew what I meant. He asked me how the Miami Marlins were doing. I think He wanted tickets. \u201cLook,\u201d I said, \u201cI came here for a reason. Nobody\u2019s saying you did a bad job, but\u00a0.\u00a0.\u00a0.\u201d People tell me, \u201cMr. President, you put the fear of God in God.\u201d He knew I could back this up militarily. Operation I Mean It. Or, Operation I\u2019m Not Going to Tell You Again. Or, Operation I\u2019ll Give You Something to Cry About!<\/p>\n

Read more Bruce Nauman Isn\u2019t Bound by the Rules<\/a><\/p>\n

I haven\u2019t decided yet.<\/p>\n

While God did God things, I looked around for the gift shop. You know the thing about that place? Bad signage. I know more than He does about real estate. Don\u2019t know who His lighting guy is, but the sun shouldn\u2019t come down so fast. You\u2019re outside eating dinner, and the next thing you know it\u2019s dark.<\/p>\n

Did I get everything? Look, when I walked in, Earth was one way. When I left? Very different conversation. Many, many historians are saying it was the most productive meeting since Zeus met with President McKinley. I can\u2019t share everything, but I will say things are on the table that weren\u2019t even on the floor. I can say we\u2019re very close to getting my parking ticket validated.<\/p>\n

His last words to me were \u201cYou know, of everyone I\u2019ve ever created, you might be the one I\u2019m proudest of.\u201d I probably shouldn\u2019t say this, but when I left He cried a little.<\/p>\n

Update: Unnamed sources say that the Commander-in-Chief is evaluating a potential 2028 bid for God.\u00a0\u2666<\/p>\n

Read more Herding the Fro-Yo Sheep<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Shouts & Murmurs by Patricia Marx: He was very complimentary. People tell me, \u201cMr. President, you put the fear of God in God.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":763,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-764","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-interesting"],"yoast_head":"\nMy Great Meeting with God - City Relocation News<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=764\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"My Great Meeting with God - City Relocation News\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Shouts & Murmurs by Patricia Marx: He was very complimentary. 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