{"id":892,"date":"2026-07-11T14:06:34","date_gmt":"2026-07-11T14:06:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=892"},"modified":"2026-07-11T14:06:34","modified_gmt":"2026-07-11T14:06:34","slug":"new-york-beaches-to-visit-before-you-die","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=892","title":{"rendered":"New York Beaches to Visit Before You Die"},"content":{"rendered":"<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<p><strong>City Beach<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Take the downtown Q train to the last stop, head to the abandoned factory where there was that triple homicide, and find Ivan, an elderly Belarusian who will ferry you over in his rowboat for $85.57 (exact change only). Once you arrive, listen to the rollicking waves that almost drown out the construction noise from the causeway above. Fun fact: at low tide you can find cigarette butts dating back to the seventies. There are no public restrooms, but you can walk five miles to use the porta-potty on the causeway.<\/p>\n<p>Read more <a href=\"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=890\">The Best Beach Reads for When You Left Your Book at Home<\/a><\/p>\n<p><em>Good for: New Yorkers without cars.<\/em><\/p>\n<div><\/div>\n<p><strong>Bear Beach<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>This upstate New York haven is a popular destination for swimmers, campers, and bears. Oh, so many bears. Brown bears, Kodiak bears, grizzly bears\u2014all the bears just gravitate to this beach for some reason. Luckily, bears are more scared of you than you are of them, which is what that fateful group of campers told themselves before they were mauled to death by a bear. But don\u2019t worry, not every bear wants to chiffonade you with its claws. Some will be too busy creeping up on you while you\u2019re swimming.<\/p>\n<p><em>Good for: families, adventure seekers, bears.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>Actual-Fire Island<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Similar to nearby Fire Island, only this beach is always empty because it\u2019s always on fire. Sunscreen is a must.<\/p>\n<p><em>Good for: beachgoers who want a little elbow room.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>Demon Bay<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Though you will encounter soul-sucking ghouls at this secluded beach, you won\u2019t have to pay for parking. Kids will love collecting sea glass and human teeth, while adults sip cans of ros\u00e9 cider in the tranquil setting\u2014any noise may wake Tola, the mercurial demigoddess of chaos and despair. Visitors are encouraged to leave offerings at Tola\u2019s altar or risk Her reaching down their throats with Her delicate spindly fingers to yank out their living essence.<\/p>\n<p>Read more <a href=\"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=888\">What\u2019s Your Ocean Style?<\/a><\/p>\n<p><em>Good for: people who\u2019ve been baptized.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>Sandy Beach<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We know what you\u2019re thinking\u2014every beach is sandy! But not like this. After visiting this beach\u2019s miles of soft, white sand, you\u2019re guaranteed to have granules in every orifice. Kick back with a cool drink and wash down the pounds of sand that are somehow in your esophagus. Keep an eye on the kids, because these sand dunes shift fast. Relax with a beach read as sixty-m.p.h. winds whip your face and body raw with sand until you don\u2019t know where you begin and the sand ends, and you wonder why you even came to the beach in the first place, because you\u2019re not a beach person, you are a city dweller, and you should be on your couch, blasting the A.C. and watching crime documentaries about women who were murdered at the beach.<\/p>\n<p><em>Good for: people who enjoy discovering sand in their butt weeks after they\u2019ve left the beach.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>Pleasant Point<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Palm trees. Crystal-clear waters. Velvety sand that doesn\u2019t pose a threat. No crowds or parking fees. And the best part? You can easily reach this destination by hopping on the next flight to the Caribbean.<\/p>\n<p>Read more <a href=\"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=886\">Beach Rules<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<div>\n<p><em>Good for: New Yorkers with money.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><inline-embed><\/p>\n<h2>More Humor<\/h2>\n<ul>\n<li>I am a Tinder guy holding a fish, and I will provide for you.<\/li>\n<li>How to turn off location tracking (updated).<\/li>\n<li>Subway crushes: Where are they now?<\/li>\n<li>My typical New York day.<\/li>\n<li>Achievable ways to feel accomplished.<\/li>\n<li>You have to watch this show.<\/li>\n<li>Updates from your FedEx package.<\/li>\n<li>Get more humor in your in-box. Sign up for the newsletter.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><\/inline-embed><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Jiji Lee and Patrick Clair offer a humorous list of New York beaches for different categories of New York City residents: those who do not own cars, those who seek close encounters with bears, those who like extra space and a bit of heat, and those who are wealthy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":891,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-892","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-interesting"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>New York Beaches to Visit Before You Die - City Relocation News<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=892\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"New York Beaches to Visit Before You Die - 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