{"id":948,"date":"2026-07-16T11:34:53","date_gmt":"2026-07-16T11:34:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=948"},"modified":"2026-07-16T11:34:53","modified_gmt":"2026-07-16T11:34:53","slug":"the-a-i-gender-gap-meets-the-parenting-gender-gap","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=948","title":{"rendered":"The A.I. Gender Gap Meets the Parenting Gender Gap"},"content":{"rendered":"
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You\u2019re reading Progress Report<\/strong>, Jessica Winter\u2019s column on family and K-12 education.<\/em><\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

In a promotional video for Ollie, an A.I. family assistant, one of the company\u2019s founders, Bill Lennon, is about to announce his new venture in front of a camera crew when his phone starts pinging. \u201cTHE BABY JUST \ud83d\udca9 ON THE CARPET \/ like A LOT \/ WHILE I WAS ON ZOOM W AN INVESTOR.\u201d Then, a somewhat anticlimactic follow-up: \u201cMy sister coming for dinner btw did I tell you???\u201d Lennon does not respond directly to these messages, which are presumably from his wife. Instead, he delegates to his phone. \u201cOllie, can you handle this?\u201d he asks. \u201cI\u2019m in the middle of a shoot right now.\u201d He authorizes his A.I. agent to research and contact local carpet-cleaning services and to create an Instacart order, and then proceeds with the filming. \u201cWell, that wasn\u2019t real,\u201d Christy Shannon, a co-founder, confides to the camera, \u201cbut you get the point.\u201d<\/p>\n

Read more An Idea for Democrats to Keep It Together in 2028<\/a><\/p>\n

Ollie, after previous incarnations as an A.I.-enabled gift-buying app and a meal-planning app, relaunched in June as the \u201cworld\u2019s first A.I. family assistant that runs your entire household.\u201d It connects to your calendars, e-mail, and to WhatsApp, and consolidates the overflow of information\u2014after-school activities, dentist\u2019s appointments, travel plans\u2014into a single text stream. \u201cWe exist in a group chat with you and your partner,\u201d Lennon explains in a promo. \u201cThe smoothness of the experience of the blue bubbles and the reactions really animates Ollie and makes Ollie a character in the family\u2019s life.\u201d By taking on some of the cognitive load of domestic admin, Lennon says, the app is \u201cgiving families more time for what matters.\u201d<\/p>\n

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The marketplace for family-oriented A.I. executive assistants is an increasingly crowded one. Ollie\u2019s rivals include apps such as Cozi (\u201cFamily life. Simplified\u201d), Ava (\u201cFewer forgotten birthdays, more magic\u201d), and Maple (\u201cThe operating system for modern families\u201d), along with A.I.-enhanced \u201csmart calendars\u201d such as Skylight. Implicitly or explicitly, these tools are aimed at women, as evidenced by the growing cohort of momfluencers who offer tutorials and tools for making A.I. into a virtual co-parent. (The Cut<\/em> recently profiled a wealthy mother who uses a team of A.I. agents to run her homeschool, handle paperwork, and make household purchases.) \u201cThe hope is that this new generation of tech can offer women support for the second shift of all the planning, the anticipating, the organizing,\u201d Beth Humberd, an associate professor of management at the University of Massachusetts Lowell, told me.<\/p>\n

Research shows that mothers in heterosexual partnerships take on a disproportionate amount of the mental load involved in raising children and running a household\u2014i.e., not the physical tasks, such as ferrying kids to soccer practice, but the cognitive work of knowing when to sign up for soccer, internalizing the practice schedule, remembering the snack and the water bottle, and so forth. One much-cited study, from 2023, found that, during the coronavirus pandemic, mothers spent more than double as much time on cognitive labor than fathers.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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My friend Darby Saxbe, a clinical psychologist and professor at the University of Southern California who researches household dynamics, writes in her new book, \u201cDad Brain: The New Science of Fatherhood and How It Shapes Men\u2019s Lives,\u201d about a study she led that examined the division of labor among hundreds of families with toddlers. For almost \u201cevery single task we examined, from pets to childcare,\u201d Saxbe explains, \u201cwomen\u2019s share of cognitive labor was greater than her share of physical labor.\u201d The single area of household work where Saxbe found that \u201cmen did more execution and planning than their partners\u201d was in taking out the trash. \u201cBut even for garbage,\u201d Saxbe goes on, \u201cwomen owned a greater share of the cognitive work (like remembering to buy trash bags and keeping track of trash pickup day.)\u201d<\/p>\n

Lennon says in another promo for Ollie that, after he had children, \u201cI started seeing how much more my wife was doing than I was,\u201d which inspired him \u201cto give every family its own personal assistant to solve the mental load.\u201d Building an app that has received millions in seed funding from venture-capital firms is certainly not the only option available to a husband and father who sees his wife struggling. And\u2014if it need be said\u2014such an app cannot watch your baby during a big investor call, or put a diaper on the baby before she poops on the carpet. Ollie may well become \u201ca character in the family\u2019s life,\u201d but this character cannot spot-clean the carpet before your sister comes over for dinner, or cook the dinner, or clean up afterward.<\/p>\n

Still, if A.I. family assistants such as Ollie catch on among cognitively swamped mothers, it could mark a departure from the narrative about the \u201cA.I. gender gap.\u201d Research consistently indicates that women harbor more concerns than men do about A.I.\u2019s ethical implications; women are typically more likely to question A.I.\u2019s efficacy, the security of its data, and its environmental impact. A survey published last month by the Pew Research Center showed that women were less apt than men to be daily users of A.I. chatbots, less likely to say that A.I. improves their productivity, and more apt to have a negative outlook on the future of A.I. Recently, the actress and entrepreneur Reese Witherspoon exhorted women among her TikTok followers to learn the basics of A.I. before it \u201cjust speeds past you,\u201d and the self-help author Mel Robbins implored her women fans to entrust their budgets and schedules to Microsoft\u2019s Copilot A.I. tool, declaring, \u201cYou cannot be left behind.\u201d<\/p>\n

The intuitive promise, then, is that the family assistant can help bridge both the A.I. gender gap and the domestic-labor gender gap. Tools like Ollie might serve as a just-for-her gateway drug, opening women\u2019s\u2014specifically mothers\u2019\u2014doors of perception to the infinite possibilities of A.I. Or, as a recent headline in Fortune<\/em> put it, \u201cThe Most Contrarian and Durable Bet in AI Is 85 Million Moms.\u201d<\/p>\n

Allison Daminger is an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison whose research focusses on gender imbalances and cognitive labor in family life. She told me that, in her interviews with parents, three of the most common \u201cpain points\u201d in their households are daily meal planning, scheduling, and general overwhelm\u2014each of which Ollie and other family assistants claim they can handle. But, Daminger told me, \u201cin the story of technological invention in the household-labor sphere, oftentimes what you see is more of a reallocation of labor rather than a reduction.\u201d A.I. family assistants may pledge to save parents time, she went on, but \u201cthat\u2019s not what history suggests will happen.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Labor-saving technology tends to create domestic systems that are far more efficient over all, but not necessarily easier for the people doing the labor. As the historian Ruth Schwartz Cowan wrote in \u201cMore Work for Mother: The Ironies of Household Technology from the Open Hearth to the Microwave,\u201d from 1983, innovations such as the modern stove, the washer-dryer, and the vacuum cleaner simplified chores that previously had been shared among multiple family members or contracted out to paid help, placing them instead in the hands of a single unpaid worker. Consumer tech made it possible for the twentieth-century housewife to prepare meals and handle the laundry solo, but it also raised the bar for how elaborate her dinners could be and for how often she was expected to change the sheets.<\/p>\n

This paradox of household tech found a millennial counterpart in the advent of e-mail, the personal digital assistant, and the smartphone, which added welcome flexibility to the lives of working parents, but also raised bosses\u2019 expectations for their employees\u2019 availability and productivity. In the twenty-tens, the mobile-app marketplace began wrapping its prehensile tail around kids\u2019 sports and school activities. Family logistics that were once maintained easily enough via printouts and PDFs became the provenance of dozens of atomized apps\u2014and, unlike printouts and PDFs, many of these apps make you watch ads and want your bank\u2019s routing info. Unless and until A.I. family assistants can take over Whac-a-Mole duties on countless proprietary apps, many parents may hesitate over the wisdom of solving too much tech with yet more tech.<\/p>\n

Daminger, who is the mother of a toddler, told me that parents who use A.I. must contemplate both the limits of what the technology can do and the limits they want to place on how deeply A.I. reaches into their lives. Recently, she tried to train Claude to help with meal planning for her family of three, but gave up after a couple of months. \u201cIt would leave crucial ingredients out, it would get the proportions totally wrong, it would suggest the same five things over and over,\u201d she said. It might have done a better job, Daminger went on, if she\u2019d added more layers of tech\u2014if she had a smart pantry and smart fridge for Claude to peek inside\u2014or if she\u2019d done more to keep Claude updated on her child\u2019s \u201cever-changing food preferences.\u201d Then again, these private textures of family life, she said, \u201care something that I don\u2019t necessarily want to feed to A.I.\u201d<\/p>\n

Read more How \u201cPiss Christ\u201d Became a Culture-War Bomb<\/a><\/p>\n

Katherine Goldstein, a friend of mine who\u2019s a writer and the mother of three young boys in Durham, North Carolina, gives Claude access to her e-mail, so that it can create travel itineraries and populate the shared family calendar with events and reminders. But, she told me, she tries to treat it as a deterministic algorithm, and not as \u201ca character in the family\u2019s life\u201d\u2014she doesn\u2019t talk to Claude about her kids or ask it for parenting advice, and she has conditioned it not to praise her or offer unsolicited help. Goldstein sees the appeal of an A.I. family assistant but rejects its premise. Tools such as Ollie, she told me, \u201cfeel like just another way to raise the bar on what families are supposed to be able to accomplish, in a way that makes me want to put a blanket over my head.\u201d<\/p>\n

What Goldstein is resisting\u2014and what A.I. family assistants both address and reinforce\u2014is the cultural hegemony of intensive parenting, the time- and research-intensive mode of family life that helps to explain why, for example, working mothers of the early twenty-first century report spending a comparable amount of time engaged in child care as their stay-at-home counterparts of the nineteen-seventies. Juliet Schor, an economist and sociologist at Boston College, told me that there is \u201ca kind of intractability to the cultural imperative of so-called intensive mothering.\u201d It\u2019s one that she doubts an A.I. family assistant can dislodge. These women \u201ccan\u2019t use A.I. to give themselves \u2018me time\u2019 because they think they\u2019re not supposed to have \u2018me time,\u2019\u00a0\u201d Schor said.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Those who endorse A.I. as a parenting tool seem torn on this point. In her new book \u201cHuman Raised: Nurturing Connection, Curiosity & Lifelong Learning in the Age of AI,\u201d the pediatric surgeon Dana Suskind ponders a \u201cfuture in which AI helps to liberate parents, and especially mothers, from overwhelming and inequitable workloads.\u201d A.I., she writes, can \u201cfree us from a certain kind of parenting: the relentless, optimizing, \u2018never enough\u2019 kind that has left so many of us exhausted, guilty, and paradoxically less present for the children in our care.\u201d Yet the end goal of this liberation movement appears to be a more intense brand of intensive parenting. \u201cFaster meal planning means more time on the floor playing,\u201d Suskind writes. \u201cA grocery list organized by aisle means less time spent shopping and more quality time doing projects together.\u201d<\/p>\n

Suskind argues that one of the many shackles that A.I. throws off for parents and kids is the need to learn and remember stuff. \u201cThe cognitive outputs we strained to maximize, including factual recall, information synthesis, pattern recognition, and analytical efficiency, are precisely the tasks generative AI now performs instantly, tirelessly, and at superhuman scale,\u201d she writes. \u201cThe core \u2018product\u2019 of intensive parenting has been automated.\u201d Now that A.I. has effectively obviated a swath of \u201ccognitive outputs,\u201d parents must emphasize \u201cthe irreducibly human talents,\u201d such as empathy, creativity, and critical thinking. Suskind elaborates on these unquantifiable gifts using financialized language: \u201cThey are, in economic terms, the new scarcity. And therefore they represent the new value. The new opportunity.\u201d The force multiplier on this high-growth vertical, Suskind writes, is \u201cthe parent who is simply, fully there.\u201d<\/p>\n

One presumes that this parent is also constantly looking at her phone. While promoting \u201cHuman Raised\u201d on the \u201cHard Fork\u201d technology podcast, Suskind reassured the co-host Kevin Roose that if he has a parenting question, he \u201ccan confidently ask Claude and Claude will give a right answer.\u201d Roose replied, \u201cThat tracks a hundred per cent with my own experience of these tools, which is that they are often more seasoned and more confident about parenting advice than I am.\u201d I waited for either Suskind or Roose to backtrack, to acknowledge that Claude is not seasoned. Claude is not confident. Claude does not have a past, emotions, a frontal cortex, eyes or ears or pores or dreams. Claude cannot have or raise kids\u2014intensively or otherwise\u2014or possess any insight into yours or mine, or know what your kid wants for dinner. Claude is not at the grocery store or the soccer game with you. The Claude of which they speak isn\u2019t real\u2014but you get the point.<\/p>\n

If one of the best bets in A.I. is a frazzled mother in search of a scheduling bot, that gamble may be premised on the notion that women are naturally and immovably the masters of the domestic universe, and that an A.I.-powered commander can offset the shortcomings of their congenitally bumbling male partners. \u201cMost husbands are oblivious deadbeats,\u201d Lennon, the Ollie co-founder, wrote recently on LinkedIn. \u201cI mean this in the most endearing way.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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Many agree, although not so many are endeared. A survey of more than two thousand parents in the U.S., published last year in the open-access journal of the American Sociological Association, introduced the term \u201cgendered cognitive stickiness\u201d to describe how women in heterosexual partnerships are often reflexively assigned to the \u201c\u00a0\u2018thinking work\u2019 required to anticipate and monitor household needs.\u201d The piece cited \u201cweaponized incompetence\u201d among some men as one of the factors that prevents this work from getting unstuck. In a paper published last year which drew on interviews with eighty-one heterosexual couples, Abigail Ocobock, a sociologist at the University of Notre Dame, surmised that \u201ccognitive labor is far from invisible to women performing it and appears invisible to men only because they use resistance strategies to avoid it.\u201d<\/p>\n

In \u201cDad Brain,\u201d Saxbe takes a gentler tack. Because cognitive labor \u201ccan be performed while sitting on the couch, it often goes unacknowledged and unappreciated by others,\u201d she writes. \u201cTaking an overflowing trash can out to the curb is a heroic gesture, but nobody gets applause for remembering that tomorrow is field day and if you don\u2019t pack a bathing suit your child won\u2019t be able to go on the waterslide with her friends.\u201d<\/p>\n

The A.I. family assistant might make all of this labor more visible\u2014albeit via group text and push notification\u2014and perhaps more evenly distributed. But, as Humberd told me, \u201cI always think back to the stickiness of gender roles. Like, do I hope, over time, that these tools help make it such that women aren\u2019t the ones managing the cognitive load? Yes. Do I think we\u2019re going to get there in my or your parenting lifetime? No.\u201d<\/p>\n

In her current research, Daminger told me, she is exploring a theme that she calls the \u201cspectre of the nag.\u201d \u201cWomen are working hard to figure out how to get change to happen in their household, and especially how to ask their partner for change in a way that is not seen as nagging,\u201d she said. \u201cBut what if A.I. is the one doing the nagging? Then it\u2019s, \u2018He doesn\u2019t listen to me\u2014but maybe he\u2019ll listen to Claude.\u2019\u00a0\u201d She paused for a moment. \u201cI don\u2019t know what that says about family life.\u201d\u00a0\u2666<\/p>\n

Read more Christopher Nolan\u2019s \u201cThe Odyssey\u201d Leaves the Gods in the Outtakes<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Women use A.I. less than men and do more of the cognitive work at home. The A.I. \u201cfamily assistant\u201d promises to bridge both divides. Jessica Winter reports.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":947,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[80],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-948","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-progress-report"],"yoast_head":"\nThe A.I. Gender Gap Meets the Parenting Gender Gap - City Relocation News<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/cityrelocationnews.com\/?p=948\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The A.I. 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